Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I look better un-naked...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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