i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
