found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize