when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize