If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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