At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
