One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
