an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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