I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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