i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
