Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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