LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
