What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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