so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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