yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
