He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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