do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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