Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
