He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
