you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
