Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
