Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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