I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
