Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
