Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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