This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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