i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
