you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
