We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
