Are we in a gay sports bar?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize