Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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