did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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