I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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