Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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