Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
