woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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