I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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