you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
