U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
