whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
