He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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