So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
