I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
