I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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