I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
