How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
