You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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