I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
