I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
