she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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