would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
