How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
