u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
