Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
