I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
