Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
