I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize