After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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