just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
