The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dicks are not precious.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
