If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
