Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize