im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
