he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
