Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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