Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
