tell your sister to shave her snatch
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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