If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
