I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
