I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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