he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
