I didn't shave. On purpose
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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