Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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